If my job had a theme song.

by Caleb Reading

If you’ve ever called up your pharmacy to ask if it’s okay to use the Oprah-recommended herbal supplements you didn’t buy here with the prescriptions you also bought someplace else (but won’t tell us the name of the drugs because they’re super secret), and then get indignant that we don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, this song is what’s in my head at the time.  Stop calling me about crap we didn’t sell to you.  Why don’t you call Oprah, since she’s such a fucking medical expert?  Please slip on a puddle of magic neti pot water and knock the phone line out of the wall, so you can’t inflict your time-sucking idiot phone calls on other businesses you also don’t shop at.