Stuff Nobody Likes
by Caleb Reading
Oh, Someone Else’s Child, nobody likes you. You are not cute and you cannot vie for my affection. I cannot discipline you, I cannot show you right from wrong or give you a lecture on public behavior. You are outside of my realm of influence, a fixed star in another celestial sphere of Annoying beyond my control, and your fruitbat-high, sonic-pitched whining is like manna from the heavens in reverse, you are in fact sending manna back up to the clouds into the city of God and the Hebrews are starving, little child, they are starving in the desert night! I am starving in the checkout line while your ineffectual mother does nothing to stop your tantrum.
[editorial note: none of the comments on that board were made by me]