How you can use my Disney World experience to save yourself money and bother

by Caleb Reading

 

Don’t go.

 

Well, okay, if you must go, here’s my review:

I recommend the book The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World by Bob Sehlinger and Len Testa. HUGE help in finding the best deals and getting things done easier. The 2006 edition is around ten bucks (worth it), but if you want to go cheaper, the 2005 can be bought used for a few bucks.

Get a free Orlando guide also if you haven’t yet:
http://www.orlandoinfo.com/requestform/index.cfm

Personally, I found all the Disney Parks to be boring and annoying (The Animal Kingdom Park was the most tolerable and least overcrowded of the bunch). I didn’t visit the MGM last time I was down there, but I heard it was better than Magic Kingdom or Epcot, especially for adults.

Disney World itself was unbelievably overcrowded (and I was there on an average day). Most of the rides were old and boring or, of course, a marginally-entertaining advertisement for Disney or General Electric products, and nothing more.

Epcot is overrun with constantly-complaining old people like Magic Kingdom is overrun by constantly-screaming kids. I found Epcot more interesting than the Magic Kingdom, but not by much. If you go to Epcot, do not wait in the long line for the Norway ride; there’s only one hill in the whole ride. You can literally end up in line for three hours, in the ride itself for about a minute (one small hill), then in some hellish limbo where you’re not allowed to leave the building and you have to watch some boring video about revisionist, watered-down, Viking history that hasn’t been updated since the ride was built, then, finally, you can leave the building three and a half wasted hours later, wondering how it got so dark outside and wondering where the nearest Mickey is, so you can punch him in the face. Good luck finding a Mickey anywhere other than the entry gate, by the way, so be sure to punch him in the face on the way in.

Disney’s brand recognition is the only thing keeping the Magic Kingdom afloat in my opinion. It just sucked beyond all belief. The stress level is so high, a riot would probably break out if the public water fountains stopped working and people were told they had to buy water at the low, low price of only 5 times more than anything should ever cost. Which is the typical mark-up on every food and drink in the park, by the way.

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